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Sunday, June 05, 2016

ME: Let's talk about myself

Assalamualaikum.

I'm not a person who like to express myself.
To shout out my feeling... is not so me.
But, when i have to talk about myself.
I likes to warn, that i hate people put attentions to me.
I want it other way round.
That the main things you should know.

If you seen my Facebook page, I only have a 200+- friends.
That are the people i comfortable with.
Sorry for those unapproved friends requests.
But, still I don't know how i can followed by 60 person.
Geez.
Even my profile picture is just abstract looking art.
I'm also not the one post my face picture if have any event.
Sorry for 120 pending post that my friends tag me that i'm not proceed to my wall.
Bit annoying, duh.
Sorry.


And did you know that i already delete my first Instagram IG because too many stranger followers.
And some comments which i think, can you better not post that.
By the way... months ago,i tried make a new one...
Privately.
Hope they not realize it's me.

For chatting part, i only have whats app.
Which have some people i already blocked.
Because of certain part their message that i cannot accept.
In my way.
And sorry for some message that i'm not reply.
Either i busy or your message just like a hammer to my head.

I hate when people know more about me than myself,
I hate when people want to know where i live,
I hate when people try to talk the way i dress up,
I hate when people comments the foods i ate.
I hate when people worry about me,
I hate when people protective over me.
Mostly i hate when they think they can make me out of myself.
I hate everything.
Really hate it.
And i'm not joking around.


Sound like i'm having a hard time, or self esteem issues?
But i didn't.
I'm happy with myself.
And my family love me.
I just hate people in the society.
Included my neighborhood.
And their attentions too...
It's so scaring me.
I felt uncomfortable.
I felt insecure.

Why i hate society?
Because main things, they like to judge you.
Scanning you from their eyes, toes to head, and the results surely more negatively i think.
Before you can utter a first single word.
And a lie too... later on.
Either them tell me a lie.
Or i should be a liar to save myself.
Whatever it goes...
Big or small,
Lies are lies.

And how can i built a relationship if i'm not believe a pieces of truth among us.
So, I think why pretend you care if you're not.
Don't force yourself to makes others happy,
Or treats others person like a competitor.
Can you be like me which like i always do...
Be an angel side.
... Be a good person, be a nice human.
If they hurt you... smile.
One quote i heard, be happy in front of your haters... it kills them.
Also, try minimize in involving things you think yourself cannot handle it by your own.
More safely this way.
And be invisible if needed.
Makes each other free.
Win-win situation.


But it's not ending here when i find out that i have some secret admirer, i just like... freaking awkward!
How can they like me?
What make a sense to them to like me?
I think i'm not mingle around too much.
Or drawing any attention in what i'm doing, i think...
And,
I don't think i deserving this.

And with this,
They make me want to go back home and stay alone in my room.
With a sign at doorknob,
"Don't disturb me if you want a peace."
Or to stay in one corner corridor and wore very long hijab and purdah that cover all myself.

Why me, why?
I think i should ask one of them.
Why can i be an attention to them?
What makes them realize my existing?
I should ask this questions...
In one day.

Is it weird that i don't like any attentions?
I think not.
So why should not you respect my space and let be care my own problem.
Let me be alone.
Let me be what i want to be.
Let me rules my own life,
That's better.
: )

Saturday, June 04, 2016

Ramadhan 1436H

Assalamualaikum,


Today i thought is the beginning of Ramadhan, but actually i'm too earlier...
Because the real is tomorrow.
Hhahahah...
The truth are i already prepare for wake up Shaur next morning and,
the best part,  i'm done my first Terawih!
Please forgive me Allah.

Maybe 'cause i'm too excited with whole fasting part and in earning more pahala.
Let's just said, I did that all as practice.
Practice makes perfect, right.
So, well done buddy.
: )

So, my target this Ramadhan 1436H, i really want to finish a Quran.
Really want that.
First priority!
In Ramadhan months...
And others like move on with my plans.

Insyaallah,
I will arrange majlis buka puasa bersama anak yatim event.
The date is on 18 june 2016, Saturday at T'mor Place.
Join venture with Rumah Amal Asnaf Al Bakarh.
This is more privately to my department, OT PCMC.

Rm 150/person i put there.
And per family, RM 300.
May too expensive, but it's more to the charity and sedekah project.
Bila lagi nak cekau duit biar mereka nih menderma in lots of money right,
Hhehheh...
I will cut down on the foods things but more to their preparation to Eid days.
Insyaaalah.
Wish me luck and bless with my first time cahrity project, guys.

I also will donate some of my old, not so old actually, clothes.
With i hope that will help them.
Beyond the pahala.
Duh.
In the same time, make my life easier in lesser drawer items.
Fuh.

Meanwhile a good news, behalf of my family name... I will donate 1K for this project.
Beyond the pahala, again.
: )

Orait, see you all in next post.

Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Ayyub's wedding: Wrap up

Assalamualaikum,

End of May last weekend are actually is my brother, Ayyub, wedding.
He's the one actually prepare everything.
As what i knew.
'Cause we all only arrive Johor on that Friday night.
What can you aspect with that short of time.
Sorry, bro.

Their engagement also i can't attend... then, why not show your face for his big day right.
: )
At least, i support for parents new cloths and others.
And my car too, for your transportation.
0-0....

The event held at Masai, Johor... This is a good things if you get a partner in same negeri.
Save money and energy.
He stay there at the home-stay nearby and we contact time by time.
After Zohor we will go there because more practicable with the event who only will started at 3:00 pm.
From morning to that time, don't blame me if I can make some cookies!
Oat cookies with some almond and raisin.
Like they said, Tuan Anas cookies.
Whatever,
Not a slight i seen that drama, duh.

And spent time with your family is i like most!
Cik Ziqa also started doing some homework with the books i gave her.
Six books!
Hadam lah kau Ziqa.
Stay clever and cute girls.

Others precious moments i get are when Anas first baby steps!
He walking oh lala....
Cayok, Anas!

After we arrive there, sharp at 3:00 pm, some kind of you have to wait because the Imam is not coming yet is so not me.
Then, what I actually did... The foods are calling me.
Even the tuan rumah tak pelawa.
Whatever, i'm not took my lunch yet.
So others.

Then, when i seen my parents not attended, I discuss with tuan rumah.
Why not you get ready some snack while waiting, right.
I know they bit busier but i just give my opinion.
: )

So, when the Imam/ Tok kadi came, i sat there quietly.
But, he said all women to go inside or get out.
What the fish!
While that, i think let us took some picture more...
Like i cares?
May be because the space is too small i think.
Not me to blame anyone.

Then, Alhamdulillah with one lafaz everything going smooth.
And makan beradap.
Again bon appetite, everyone!
Hhehehhe....

Here some pictures for the moments, enjoy!
And for my brother wifey, congratulations and welcome home dear.

Heading there.
Alhamdulillah, with one lafaz... they make it.
Oh cameraman, you thought i care? Sorry, i did it on purpose.
Cik Peah with me. Such a cute princess you are!
My honor for give us chance to snap a picture, my princess.
Hehhehhe....

End of 2023

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